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Grace and Words:

I don’t know why I say the things I say sometimes. It is as though I need to have words spill out of my mouth in order for the thoughts to solidify in my brain. Sometimes the things I say are hurtful and should have never been thought, let alone said. I think that this is one of my biggest struggles as a person. I need to really think about propriety and others before word-vomiting.

I say things that will hurt people I love. I say things that make absolutely no sense. I say things I do not, and would not ever mean to say. These thoughts are passing through. They should not be alive. They sho8uld not be spoken, but then, they are.

The words offer no grace. I would be offended if grace was not offered to me. I would not enjoy the treatment I sometimes give to others. I know that I those around me need grace just as much as I do. Grace is important to us, because without it where would we be? I would e dead (if not literally, than at least from sin).

There is a person in my life that I offer almost no grace to. I do not give this person the time of day, unless it is convenient for me. I cannot rationalize this accept by saying that I do not typically enjoy this person’s company. I wish I did enjoy it. I wish grace for them came naturally to me. I wish that wishes came true!

Self Disclosure:

How much do I know about you? How much do you know about me? What is it that you will never tell anyone? What is it that I will never tell you? There are things about me that only a handful of the closest people to me know. However, I never would have told one of those people this story, had it not been for proximity. I am not as close to one of those “in the know” as I am to the others. Two of those who know, I would consider my closest of friends.

It is a commonly accepted interpersonal communications factoid that people who you disclose to , you are closest to. The more you know about someone the more you tell, the closer you become. I am not so sure this is always true….

I disclose the most to those I am closest to. Makes sense…right? I am not so sure. Are there some things about me that I will not tell my closest of close friends? Yes. Probably. Why is that?

Fear of judgment? Fear of disclosing too much and ending the friendship? Fear of lessening trust? What?

On the other hand, some of the things I hold back are historical. They do not affect my life anymore. They do not have control over me. They may have at one time, but they do not now. Why am I afraid of those things?

Hmmmmmm……..